Jokezzz >>>>>>>>>>>

Punjab Airlines

Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen.
This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to
Punjab Airways. We apologize for the four day delay in taking off,
owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery.

This is flight one two six flight to New Delhi.
Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in
the East. And if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your
village!

Punjab Airways has an excellent record for safety.
In fact our safety standards are so high that even the terrorists are
afraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure I announce that starting
this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination.
(I presume that the other 50% were the terrorists themselves!!!)
For the ones that don't quiet make it, Punjab Airways staff have all
the requisite experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our
Stewardesses Bubbly and Goldie will be happy to brief you on our
out-of-court settlement policies.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger
request, we can arrange to turn them off ! To make your free fall to
earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and
biscuits !

For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who
can help you find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight
movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the
television.

But for our movie buff, we will be flying right next to Air India,
where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin
window.

There is no-smoking in this airplane. Any smoke you
see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines
telling us to slow down!

Life jacket are positioned under your seats and free
bathing costumes are made available to the aunties and swimming
shorts to the uncles, for emergency jumps!

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly
as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little
too close do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies
right through the landmark !

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright
position for take off and fasten your belt. For those of you who
can't find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your
seat.

And for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in
touch with a flight attendant for your suitcase.

Sorry, but I won't be flying with you today because I have to attend
my nephew's wedding. But please make yourself at home and help yourself
to the cock pit.

Thank you for choosing Punjab Airways. HAVE A NICE JOURNEY.

Sardar and Medical School

A glossary of Medical Terms, and alternate meanings as given by Sardar

Benign................What you be after you be eight.

Artery................The study of paintings.

Bacteria..............Back door to cafeteria.

Barium................What doctors do when patients die.

Cesarean Section......A neighborhood in Rome.

Catscan...............Searching for kitty.

Cauterize.............Made eye contact with her.

Colic.................A sheep dog.

Coma..................A punctuation mark.

D & C.................Where Washington is.

Dilate................To live long.

Enema.................Not a friend.

Fester................Quicker than someone else.

Fibula................A small lie.

Genital...............Non-Jewish person.

G.I. Series...........World Series of military baseball.

Hangnail..............What you hang your coat on.

Impotent..............Distinguished, well known.

Labor Pain............Getting hurt at work.

Medical Staff.........A Doctor's cane.

Morbid................A higher offer than I bid.

Nitrates..............Cheaper than day rates.

Node..................Was aware of

Outpatient.... .......A person who has fainted.

Pap Smear..... .......A fatherhood test.

Pelvis................Second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative........A letter carrier.

Recovery Room.........Place to do upholstery.

Rectum................Darn near killed him.

Secretion.............Hiding something.

Seizure...............Roman emperor.

Tablet................A small table.

Terminal Illness......Getting sick at the Bus Station

Tumor.................More than one

Urine.................Opposite of you're out.

Varicose..............Near by/close by.

Vein..................Conceited.

Sardar and Medical School

Once upon a time, a Surdar applied to Medical School
needless to say he never made it because these are the answers he
gave......

QUESTION: Define the following terms?

ANTIBODY - against everyone
ARTERY - the study of fine paintings
ASPHYXIA - get a "Butt Job"
BACTERIA - back door to a cafeteria
BENIGN - what you be after you be eight
BOWEL - letters like a,e,i,o,u
CAESARIAN SECTION - a district in Rome
CARDIOLOGY - advanced study of poker playing
CAT SCAN - searching for lost kitty
CHRONIC - neck of a crow
COMA - punctuation mark
CORTIZONE - area around local courthouse
CYST - short for sister
DIAGNOSIS - person with a slanted nose
DILATE - the late British princess
DISLOCATION - in this place
DUODENUM - couple in jeans
ENEMA - not a friend
FALSE LABOR - pretending to work
FECES - nasty countenance
GALLBLADDER - bladder in a girl
GENES - blue denim
GROIN - to mash to a pulp / smile
HERNIA - she is close by
HYMEN - greeting to several males
IMPOTENT - distinguished, well-known
LABOR PAIN - hurt at work
LACTOSE - person without digits on the foot
LIPOSUCTION - a French kiss
LYMPH - walk unsteadily
MENOPAUSE - I no wait
MICROBES - small dressing gowns
OBESITY - city of Obe
PACEMAKER - winner of Nobel Peace Prize
PROTEIN - in favour of teens
PULSE - grain
PUS - small cat
RED BLOOD COUNT - Dracula
RUPTURE - ecstasy
SECRETION - hiding anything
SEMEN - sailors
SERUM - sailors drink
SUBCUTANEOUS - not cute enough
SUTURE - Gujarati for "what do you want"
TABLET - small table

welldone

magar aap itne saray late kahan se hain aisa to nahi k sadar je aap he oh
hahahahaha

oyee teri kiya joke hai anisa g hehe yaar bus dekh loo hum aisaye hi tu admin nahi hai na :P

Aise Waise Admin Nahi Hain Yeh Anisa Ji In K Paas Pori Book Hai Jokes Ki Lolz

HEHE yaar barye mazakihi ho barey mazakhi ho tussi
abhi tu aur collection anaye wali hai :D

acha abhi bake hai hmmmmmmmm good

abhi kiya hai anisa me smajh nahi :D aur app log bhi likhoo me yahan likhta rehaoo ga :(

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sardar's Letter

Cousin Banta

Jallandhar



Dear Banta,

I'm writing this real slow cause I know you can't read very fast. We
don't live where we did when you left. We read in the paper that most accidents
happen within 10 miles of home, so we moved.

I won't be able to send you our new address cause the last family that
lived here took the house numbers with them so they wouldn't have to change
their address.

This place has a washing machine. The first day mama put four shirts
in, pulled the chain and we have not seen them since.

Its only rained here twice this week. Three days the first time and
five days the second time.

I know its cold where you are so we're sending you a coat. Ma said it
would be too heavy to mail with them buttons on it, so we cut them off and put
them in the pockets.

We got a letter from the funeral home. They said if we don't make the
last payment on grandma's funeral bill, up she comes!

My sister had a baby this morning. I haven't heard whether it's a boy
or a girl, so I don't know if I'm an uncle or an aunt.

Uncle Balbir fell in the big whiskey vat. When they tried to pull him
out, he fought them off, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for
three days.

Cousin Santa

Ludhiana.

P.S : I was planning to enclose the money that I owe you with this envelope,
but I had already sealed this by then.

Three police squads , The Scotland Yard police , The NY Police and the
Punjab Sardar brigade contest for the best police force ward . The judges
lead them to the Gir forest of India and assign them the mission. He who
captures an adult LIon and brings it back alive in the fastest time will
be adjudged the best .

First Scotland yard goes into the forest and comes back in half an
hour with a Lion all tied up .

Then the NY police go in and come back in 15 minutes with a tied
up lion .

Lastly the sardar brigade goes in . 15 minutes , half an hour ,
one hour goes and no sign of our saradrjis .The judges give up and decide
to search for them . They go into the forest . After some searching , they
find the sardarjis all excitedly yelling near a tree. The sardarjis have
tied up a big bear to a tree and one of them is shouting , "Bol tu sher
Hai ! Saala Bol ! tu Sher Hai !! " (Admit that you are a lion! You @#$%@!
You are a lion)

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I beshowing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say
prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good
cook".

Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of
COINCIDENCE? "
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time

aru gud ones hmm i like no. 2 3 n 5 hmm kool keep it up :)

thxxxxx

jokers lolzzz

hmmm aru sisy yah anisa g sahi tu kah rehi hai jokerz but apni tareef apnye moun yah tu ghalat hai :P hmm hehe

admin g aap ke akal kahan hai . jokz koon lehk raha hai hmmm

wahe to jokers howe hmmm

samje

hmm chalo ab hum hi jokers sahi khair doston kay liye yah bhi sah letye hai :)

hmm yaaar manaye yan maanaanyeee say kiya hota hai :O

Two ghosts met and both chat about how they died.

1st ghost : How u died?
2nd ghost : I died of cold.

1st ghost : How does it feel when you're dying in cold?
2nd ghost : Actually, I was accidentally locked in the refrigerator.

Initially, I was shivering, then my whole body started to freeze, later I felt the whole world was dark and I died suffocating.

1st ghost : Wow what a horrible way to die....
2nd ghost : How about you? How u die?

1st ghost : I died from heart attack.
2nd ghost : I see, why did u have a heart attack?

1st ghost : Actually, I found out that my wife is having an affair with another man.

One day, when I came back from work, saw a pair of man shoes outside my house. Then, I realized that the guy was in my house with my wife. When I rushed into the bedroom, my wife was alone.

I must find where that bastard is hiding. So I searched the toilet, I ran downstairs, looked in the storeroom, but the bastard was not there. So, I ran upstairs and searched the wardrobe, but I found nothing.

Because of all that running,I got a heart attack and died.

2nd ghost : Why you never look for the bastard in the fridge? The bastard was hiding there. We both might be alive now!!

kiya baat hai kiya joke waoow hmm maza aya :) kkool job